Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
