My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
