His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
