please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize