Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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