I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Randomize
