Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
my shit smells like andre
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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