I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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