Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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