Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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