he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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