i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
