Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
