she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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