Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize