theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
