he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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