Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
