You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize