All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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