and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I need water and some morals
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
