My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
