Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
