A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
