i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
