I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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