8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
NoShamevember. You game?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
