just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize