you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Randomize
