I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
