All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
