So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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