dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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