Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
