five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
