Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
