My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
