is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
