i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
