we made out on top of his cat.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
