Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
