Me. At least after what I've been through.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize