she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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