Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
