i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
