what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
