There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
