I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she woke up with a sticky ear
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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