i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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