I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You were trust falling into bushes
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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