a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize