How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
