playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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