i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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