I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
