I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
