im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
