Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
