oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
