so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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