I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
God, I missed his penis.
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