Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
