hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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