Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just googled if crying burns calories
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
