The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
