She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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