Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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