what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize