i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
