I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize