I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize