hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
