Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
