you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
