omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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