Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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