onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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