There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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