SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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