Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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