I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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