My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
