Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
