K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
