You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
