we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
3 2 1 whiskey
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
