hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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