I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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