The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
