Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
