he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
