In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I can text with my tongue
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
