Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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