i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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