New low: just hacked my moms facebook
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
