and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
ttyl tear gas
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
