Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I wear drunk well.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
