If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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