guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
