Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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