Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
