Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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