1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude i'm inner monologue high
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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