Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
