Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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