the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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