You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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